Sunday, November 6, 2011

Chemotherapy and Hair Loss

I miss my hair.  I still catch myself watching youtube videos from my favorite gurus, and thinking "oh, I've gotta try that.."  Or scaring the crap out of myself when I get up in the middle of the night (like right now) and catch my reflection in the window.  I even have dreams about my hair.  It will grow back, I know.  

I had super long hair before all of this began.  I was even going to jump on the feather hair extension bandwagon.

At the bottom of the slide with my flowing locks. 
I didn't dye it, or heat style it too much.  I washed it every other day and always conditioned.

One week after my first chemotherapy treatment, I donated my ponytail to Locks of Love.  

Sporting my shorter 'do.

I liked my new hairdo.  I only got to spend a few days with it, but it was easy to style.  I picked out my wig the same week.  I tried on a bunch of different styles, but chose one that felt like me...which happened to be long with side swept bangs.  

One week after donating my hair, my worst fear was coming true.  Every time I touched my hair, strands would fall.  I had my hair clipped back that day and I was afraid to wash it or brush it.  Finally, I went into the bathroom, pulled the clip out of my hair, and with it came the majority of my little ponytail.  I was crying hysterically, as I just kept pulling the hair from my head.  It seemed surreal.  I filled trash cans.  I knew I couldn't spend the next couple of days doing this, so I called my mom and told her it was time.  That night, my aunt came over and buzzed the rest of my hair right off.  For some, that decision can seem terrifying.  I was definitely nervous.  But I was going to lose it anyway, right?  I wasn't going to let cancer play with my emotions and control my life.  Seeing a stray one inch strand of hair was a lot easier to handle than a bunch of long hair coming out all over the place.  

I wear my wig here and there.  If I'm at home, I'm usually running around like an ostrich with all 10 hairs sticking up.  Most of the time, I throw on a bandana.  Two etsy friends have sent me hats, which are my favorite things, especially now that it's getting colder.

I don't have a good picture, but here I am in my green hat, chowing down on a picnic.
Although thinning, my eyebrows and eyelashes are hanging on.  Thanks to my Bohemian blood, I've always had plenty of brow to spare, so now I tweeze less and make due with what I've got left.  My lashes are thinning more noticeably than my brows.  I have a "normal" looking amount on top, where they used to be full and long.  And my bottom lashes are sparse.  If I can hang on to this much for the rest of my treatments, I will be happy!  

And for those who are wondering.  And I know you are.  Body hair is business as usual.  Kinda.


Zeestur Chrissy said...

Beautiful and well put post, my friend.

hopeandjoyhome said...

God bless you Sarah. You are on my prayer list! Julia

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